he had to fight within himself.

"Joey recognized in this accumulation a superstition he had to fight within himself--the believe that everything has value. The birds in the trees, the sunflower at the edge of the orchard, the clumsily pasted-up valentine received years ago from a distant grandchild--all have a worth which might, at any moment, be called into account. It was a way of advertising that one's own life was infinitely precious."

--John Updike, p. 115 in The Afterlife short story anthology